Inspired by the early handover of sovereignty in Iraq, President George W. Bush employed the element of surprise once more last night, holding the U.S. presidential election four months early.
The election, about which only top Bush administration officials were notified, went exceedingly well for the president, who carried all fifty states and garnered approximately one hundred percent of the vote.
Mr. Bush’s victory speech, which he had originally scheduled for eleven P.M. last night, was at the last minute rescheduled to nine P.M., once again capitalizing on the element of surprise.
In his speech, Mr. Bush admitted that he might have had a more difficult time getting reelected if the American people had actually been notified about the time and date of the voting, but added, “A win’s a win, right?”
Mr. Bush’s second inauguration is slated to take place on January 20, 2005, but administration officials acknowledged that it could happen “at any time.”
“For all I know it has already happened,” one aide said.
Props to the Borowitz Report for the funniest story I’ve read all day.